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Tips from Tom on Making Your Relationship Last

  • In spite of the title you won’t want your relationship to merely last, you will want it to thrive.

  • Fundamental to success is to choose the right partner in the first place. Be honest with yourself and your partner about the needs you each want to have met in your relationship.  Be cautious of over accommodating.

  • Be whole and find a partner who is whole. See if you can manage your own emptiness before you expect someone to come along and fill your emptiness or manage your emptiness for you.

  • Having your relationship last will mean placing your relationship first.  High quality love relationships show signs of constant, consistent, appreciation and recognition.

  • Being in love with your partner helps, and adoring your partner is even better.

  • Respect is the corner stone of an excellent match: when we show disrespect towards our partner we are, in that moment, voting to end the relationship. Disrespectful acts add up and will erode attachment.

  • Constructive communication: loose the sarcasm and the tone. If you can’t put your own agenda on hold long enough to listen to the interests of your partner book the conversation for another time.

  • When you are stressed or grumpy learn to edit. Know that your ability to listen will be compromised and that your conflict escalation skills will be there at your side ready for action.

  • Keep an eye on the labour distribution of the household. Is it equitable?  Resentment is a relationship killer. If two people put in a 110% effort it will work.  

  • There is no room for unsolicited micro management in an excellent relationship.

  • Playfulness and humour (when it is not at the other person’s expense) is a wonderful asset to a thriving relationship.   It’s best if you don’t take yourself too seriously. 

  • Celebrate your sexuality. Talk together about your conditions for great sex.

  • Identify what you are not talking about as a couple, and what you are both avoiding. Will it be those avoided issues that end up destroying your relationship?

Tom Foster MSW RSW RCC 604-805-5671

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